


thirteen minutes

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Madney: Hello, Global Pandemic [6]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Death, major spoilers for 4x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Thirteen minutes. That’s the least amount of time it would take to get Maddie from their apartment to the hospital if something went wrong.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Madney: Hello, Global Pandemic [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120586
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	thirteen minutes

Thirteen minutes. 

Chimney can feel the panic rising with every passing second. The more he thinks about it, the faster his heart beats, the more his head starts to spin and the uncomfortable pit in his stomach starts to rise, forming a lump in his throat that won’t shift. He’s on edge, feeling as though he’s about to burst into tears at any given point. He’s already lost so much,  _ too _ much. He couldn’t lose Maddie or his daughter, he couldn’t risk it and he knows, more than he’s ever known anything in his life, that it would break him. Regardless of if he were responsible for their lives or not, he’d be broken. 

Maddie has already been through so much with this pregnancy; plans have changed, the things they had talked about the night they had found out she was pregnant had so quickly gone out of the window. He couldn’t hold her hand during scans, he couldn’t be there for her at appointments, Maddie couldn’t meet other pregnant women, they couldn’t go to birthing classes or have a baby shower, they couldn’t even tell the people they loved the most that she was pregnant, in person. Their lives had been consumed by zoom calls and virtual doctor appointments and him nervously waiting by the phone or eventually, in the apartment when he’d moved back home, for her to tell him that she was okay and that the baby was okay. 

He wants her to have everything she needs and everything she has ever wanted because there was not much else they could control. But  _ where _ she gave birth was something she could choose and that choice could mean the difference between him being there when his little girl enters the world or not. And Chimney has had enough of not being able to hold her hand when she needs him the most. 

But the panic doesn’t stop and he finds himself just wanting to scream from the top of his lungs. He can’t breathe, it feels as though there’s an inexplicable pressure on his chest that won’t shift until it all comes pouring from his lips and he can’t stop it. It won’t stop.  _ Thirteen minutes.  _ That’s the least amount of time it would take to get Maddie from their apartment to the hospital if something went wrong. 

Thirteen minutes. It’s such a short amount of time for something that could destroy their entire lives. And he knows, he knows more than anything that women give birth at home safely every single day and have done for generations upon generations and sometimes it was planned, sometimes it wasn’t. But those people aren’t Maddie and those babies aren't their daughter and he can’t push aside the overwhelming terror that if something were to happen, help wouldn’t get there in time. 

Women died in childbirth. Mothers never got to hold their child. Babies never got to grow up with their mother’s. Women became mother’s without ever getting to hear their babies first cry or ever be able to take them home. Bad things happened every single day and he had witnessed that first hand more times than he would ever care to admit out loud. But he could carry that, he can deal with that because for every loss, there’s a win and he loves his job and he loves helping people. But if something were to happen to Maddie and their baby…  _ or _ their baby on his watch, there would never be a win. All he would feel is that formidable loss. 

When he was fourteen, he had barely survived his mom dying. 

And then he was thirty and he had barely survived his brother dying. 

And then he had almost died, twice and he had almost lost Maddie in one fell swoop the second time and he couldn’t do it. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s already lost so much, they both have and he doesn’t know how either of them could ever survive another loss. 

Chimney knows that it could go perfectly; that Maddie could give birth to their baby girl ont their dining room floor and everything could be beautiful and this would be the place their daughter was born in and they would be happy. But the ‘what if’ is killing him and he can’t focus on anything else other than the  _ what if _ of it all. What if something happens and the ambulance can’t get there in time? What if the baby is in distress and he won’t know what to do? What if Maddie starts bleeding out or her blood pressure sky rockets or she’s in more pain than either of them could ever imagine? What if she dies? What if their daughter dies? What if? 

Thirteen minutes. 

His entire world could change for the worse in a matter of thirteen minutes or less. His entire world could be ripped from under him and he’d never be the same again. A part of him had never healed the day his mom had died, and then another part had been destroyed the day Kevin had died. He’d have nothing left to give if Maddie went, too. Or if something happened to their daughter before he ever got the chance to truly know her beyond the crazy amount of kicking she likes to do at three in the morning which makes them both dread the thought of sleepless nights even more. He wants the chance to be a father and he doesn’t know if he’ll get that if they have to wait thirteen minutes if everything doesn’t go perfectly. 

Chimney is ready to shout,  _ god _ , he’s ready to slam down onto his knees and grovel, beg for her to not do this to him because he can’t do it. But he will. He knows he will if she absolutely insists upon it because he wants her to be okay, he wants Maddie to have everything she wants and needs. If he has no choice, if he has to throw himself beneath the metaphoric bus to save her, then he will, if that’s what she wants or if that’s what she needs from him. 

His hands clasp together and the tears are so close to falling as he stares at the woman he would die, “It’s not--” He loves her, he loves their daughter but it won’t be okay, nothing will ever be okay again if something happens. Thirteen minutes. That’s the difference between life and death and he needs her not to die. He needs her to be standing by his side for the rest of his life. 

“It’s okay because I’m not gonna do that to you.” And just like that, the pressure lifts a little more and he starts to feel as though he can breathe again. “I love you, I’m not gonna put you through that.” His hands drop, the weight is gone, the constant repeat of those  _ thirteen minutes _ that had been echoing in his head since he’d mapped it all out has stopped. He was ready to fight, so beyond ready to fight whilst knowing he’d be the one to relent eventually but she’s looking at him and her hands are on her bump and it’s the first time she’s ever said those words to him without them serving as a warning. “I love you and this little girl and okay, if the first time that we see her is in a delivery room or a parking lot, it’s gonna be the best day of my life.” 

Despite it all, for all of the pain and the panic that he had been feeling just seconds ago, it disappears. He smiles, tears of fear replaced with tears of joy because without even knowing it was what he needed right then, she had said  _ exactly _ what he had needed to hear and it’s amazing and beautiful and everything he had imagined he’d feel. He steps forward, both of his hands reaching for hers, “Our lives.” 

“Exactly.” 

An inordinate amount of relief courses through him right then before he pulls her body into his and wraps his arms tightly around her. It’s laced with a feeling of undying love and amazement for this beautiful woman carrying their child as his chin rests on her shoulder and her arms wrap around him, smiling when he feels their daughter kicking between them as though reminding them that she’s there, too. “Thank you.” 

He can finally breathe again.


End file.
